Perfection – for a long time, this was my word. It was everything I wanted to be. It was something I strived for in everything I did – but particularly when it came to my home and being a mom.
But, let me tell you a secret – perfection is exhausting. Now, in no way am I claiming that I am completely perfect so let me rephrase that – it’s the TRYING to be perfect that is exhausting. Perfection is actually a goal that can never be reached. At least not in my world – there is always something I wish I had done better, something that is not as organized or pretty as I’d like it to be, or something just not quite right. So, I’m coming to the realization that perfection is a mirage – you can see it, but you can never quite reach it. I’m beginning to realize that I might need to let go of my desire to be perfect.
Now, for all us perfectionists, this is not an easy concept to grasp. I’m the person who cannot stand things being out of order. If I have dinner guests helping me with kitchen clean up and they leave my decorative T-towel hung in a bunch on my oven, I literally need to stop as soon as I see it, and straighten it. My dishwasher needs to be loaded in a certain way and if it’s not, I take the time to change it. Often if our pile of shoes by the door is not in order, I stop and line up every shoe neatly. And then I can breath….I literally think I hold my breath when things are out of place and once I have them as they need to be, I can breath again. And this is how it is with everything….…..Crazy right?! Over-the-top, unnecessary, unattainable…..EXHAUSTING
I have also, quite recently, become aware that along with being exhausting, perfectionism can be polarizing. I learned this lesson from my daughter. For most of my mothering life, I tried to be the perfect mother. To be supermom – the one who went on all the field trips, made homemade treats for holidays, always had the best snacks for playdates, tried to be perfect myself in order to set a good example for my daughters. I wanted to show them that I was a capable mom who could do anything. And for a long time I thought this was what they needed in a mother. I thought it would prove that I was doing a good job and that it would help me to raise great kids.
But on more than one occasion, my 14 year old daughter has taught me that to her, seeing me as ‘perfect’ is a problem. It’s not what she wants or needs, and it actually has had a negative effect in some ways. You see, me giving my daughters the impression that I am perfect, has made it hard for them to try new things. They are afraid of doing it wrong, not being as good as me, or feeling like they are failing. That is the complete opposite of what I had wanted to do as a mother. So…I have had to take a step back from my own self. To allow myself to falter. To allow myself to be more authentic and real so my daughters can see that nobody is perfect…and nor should they pretend they are.
What I’m trying very hard to learn and embrace now is that perfection should not be the end goal. With anything. In your parenting, your career and also in your home and schedule. As I have been gaining knowledge in the Professional Organizing field, a common theme is that solutions we come up with for clients need to be the RIGHT solution, not the perfect one. Being organized is not always equivalent to being picture perfect. For some people, using a shoe box to file papers might be the right solution – it works, it’s economical, the client is satisfied with that solution. Not everyone needs the instagram worthy space. As long as the solution works and it helps them be more efficient in their lives.
Now, don’t get me wrong….I still very much want to create and help you create pretty spaces. After all, the whole mantra of Rosie B Lifestyle is ‘organizing your life…beautifully’. Want to set up a picture worthy pantry….I’m all in. Organize a killer command centre for your family…I’m there. But I just want to make sure I help you do it for the right reasons. Will it be functional? Will it make your life easier? Will it improve your family’s quality of life and enjoyment? Will it be maintainable without causing extra stress? If so, and if we can add the element of beauty along with it, then great….that’s something to work towards. But let’s make sure we aren’t trying to create perfection for perfections sake…for our Insta feed or bragging rights.
This lesson should carry forward to everything in life from parenting, friendships, careers and home management. Rather than striving for the perfect home, space or schedule, lets just get it right. Right to the point that it helps us live more peacefully…but not so perfect that we have to constantly be maintaining to the point of exhaustion. Right and Perfect are not synonyms. Together, lets help each other walk in the RIGHT direction